09.12.2015
There is a perfectly valid reason that people don't stay friends once they've broken up and it's the exact same reason you should never fall for someone that you're already friends with: because it hurts like fuck when you have to see or hear about them with someone else. Though sometimes I think the latter situation is worse because you don't have the option of saying, "Sorry, this is all too new/hard/fresh for me to deal with right now, I need to take a step back".
Because you're friends. That's the essential basis of your relationship and to admit to hurting because it's not more would be tantamount to saying that you can no longer be friends because that's not enough.
And it is enough. Because you always told yourself, promised yourself, that if all you could ever have with this person was a friendship then you would take it with open arms and eternal gratitude.
But even that stings. Because whilst you can't lie to anyone else, about anything, you can manage to lie to yourself. Because this beautiful, wonderful, honest and true friendship that you harvested and cultivated so carefully is at once too much and not enough.
10.12.2015
The thing is: friendship is more than enough. It's not about the person, it's about what they've found with someone else. I want to find that, too. And I'm jealous. I feel like I've been alone for so long I don't know how not to be. And I'm so scared I'll fuck it up.
I don't want a relationship with this person. I just miss having someone to sleep next to.
No comments:
Post a Comment