There's some chance that the UK ex got in contact with me as the result of a Facebook status update. Whilst he and I are no longer FB friends, we do have mutual ones. And mutual actual ones.
FYI, the status update was something along the lines of:
In my life, I've had one man love me at my worst but not be able to accept me at my best; and one man love me at my best and not be able to accept me at my worst.
The one who loved me at my worst and couldn't accept me at my best was the Daisy/Gatsby ex. The one who loved me at my best and couldn't accept me at my worst was the UK one. Turns out my worst was the result of a bad hormone imbalance. It's unlikely he'll ever know.
Wednesday, 26 June 2013
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
Why Do They Do It?
Anyone who has ever gone out with anyone ever will surely understand this latest musing. Why do exes get in touch?
I feel slightly hypocritical for asking that since, last Friday night after seeing the Great Gatsby with a dear friend, and drinking some wine, I sent an ex a message on Facebook enquiring as to whether he was the Daisy to my Gatsby or vice versa. I actually felt really deep as I wrote it. I've received no response. No great surprise: he messaged me earlier this year thinking I was still living in the UK and as soon as I set him straight he aborted all and any contact. Whatev.
So, oddly enough, that same weekend my ex from London messaged me on Facebook. He said he knew it was random but wanted to know how I am. I balked. And I'm not a balker. I sought counsel from a friend who advised me not to reply. Which I'm sure I would have advised her in the same situation. So of course I replied. I said I was fine and I hoped he was, too, and that I hoped he was receiving all the support he needed at this difficult time (a year ago he had a tragedy befall him). It was all I knew to do. I'm not one to not reply and I didn't want to not mention the tragedy or have him think I didn't remember. Since then, nothing. And I'm not upset, per se, but WHY DID HE DO IT?! Who was that helping? You unfriended me, buster! True, I blocked him from my news feed but I didn't unfriend. What's the point?
So now I'm left wondering and confused and little pissed off. You're in a new relationship and you said some pretty hurtful things at last contact. Not intentionally, I'm sure, but when I said I'd rather not hear about the new relationship (in which he courted a girl while still sending me dirty pictures) he said that apparently I was angrier than I cared to admit - but I had a right to be, thanks for the affirmation! - and that he thought it best we didn't see each other. Yes, darn tootin' I was angry! He knew I was coming over and made it abundantly clear that (had the new relationship worked out) we would be reviving our old relationssss while I was there. And then says, "Oops, I've a new girlfriend". So I went out, met a guy I liked, told him that I had and was told that he found it hard to believe I found a guy I liked in the space of 5 days. I think it had been 4. Thankfully I was with a mutual friend who confirmed it all.
And yes. I told him to get back at him. Because he was being an asshole and giving me hope where there apparently was none. And I was hurt by that and wanted him to know that I wasn't sitting around pining for him and that other men want to have sex with me, too. And he took that as me being the immature one! Perhaps, but I never lied. Not to him and not to anyone else I was starting a relationship with. And she'll never know. Because he'll never tell her, because why would he? And I'll never tell her because it's not fair on either of them. But especially her. She deserves to live in ignorantly happy bliss. I didn't know about her until after the fact and there's nothing I can do about any of it now.
But all of this brings me back to my original question. Why do they do it?
Any insights would be greatly appreciated.
I feel slightly hypocritical for asking that since, last Friday night after seeing the Great Gatsby with a dear friend, and drinking some wine, I sent an ex a message on Facebook enquiring as to whether he was the Daisy to my Gatsby or vice versa. I actually felt really deep as I wrote it. I've received no response. No great surprise: he messaged me earlier this year thinking I was still living in the UK and as soon as I set him straight he aborted all and any contact. Whatev.
So, oddly enough, that same weekend my ex from London messaged me on Facebook. He said he knew it was random but wanted to know how I am. I balked. And I'm not a balker. I sought counsel from a friend who advised me not to reply. Which I'm sure I would have advised her in the same situation. So of course I replied. I said I was fine and I hoped he was, too, and that I hoped he was receiving all the support he needed at this difficult time (a year ago he had a tragedy befall him). It was all I knew to do. I'm not one to not reply and I didn't want to not mention the tragedy or have him think I didn't remember. Since then, nothing. And I'm not upset, per se, but WHY DID HE DO IT?! Who was that helping? You unfriended me, buster! True, I blocked him from my news feed but I didn't unfriend. What's the point?
So now I'm left wondering and confused and little pissed off. You're in a new relationship and you said some pretty hurtful things at last contact. Not intentionally, I'm sure, but when I said I'd rather not hear about the new relationship (in which he courted a girl while still sending me dirty pictures) he said that apparently I was angrier than I cared to admit - but I had a right to be, thanks for the affirmation! - and that he thought it best we didn't see each other. Yes, darn tootin' I was angry! He knew I was coming over and made it abundantly clear that (had the new relationship worked out) we would be reviving our old relationssss while I was there. And then says, "Oops, I've a new girlfriend". So I went out, met a guy I liked, told him that I had and was told that he found it hard to believe I found a guy I liked in the space of 5 days. I think it had been 4. Thankfully I was with a mutual friend who confirmed it all.And yes. I told him to get back at him. Because he was being an asshole and giving me hope where there apparently was none. And I was hurt by that and wanted him to know that I wasn't sitting around pining for him and that other men want to have sex with me, too. And he took that as me being the immature one! Perhaps, but I never lied. Not to him and not to anyone else I was starting a relationship with. And she'll never know. Because he'll never tell her, because why would he? And I'll never tell her because it's not fair on either of them. But especially her. She deserves to live in ignorantly happy bliss. I didn't know about her until after the fact and there's nothing I can do about any of it now.
But all of this brings me back to my original question. Why do they do it?
Any insights would be greatly appreciated.
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