Happy birthday to me...

I’ve been writing this blog in my head forever. It’s constantly being narrated to myself in my mind, which is almost enough to drive me crazy at times. And I have a terrible affliction whereby every time I think I should start it in earnest I’m either really happy and up-beat and too busy to actually do it, or I’m so depressed that I feel like I should express it to the world but that wouldn’t be fair as my first foray in to the world of what is, basically, an online diary.

But yesterday was my birthday and I should really begin something I’ve been putting off since my last birthday or so. Despite the calendar year telling me that I’m a year older I feel no wiser. I don’t think that my face is more weathered than it was two days ago or that you can tell that I’m slowly inching away from 30 and all that came with that year. Which, I have to say, wasn’t the best year for me. I moved back to Australia after 3 and a half years in London and one and a half years with someone I thought was the love of my life, or one of. So I came back to Melbourne angry and hurt and sad and confused and lonely and alone and I’ve been fighting those same feelings, it seems, since then. But I know that I have good days and I shouldn’t be all doom and gloom. At least not all the time.

So after that stellar introduction which, I’m sure, will deter any unlikely visitors I should start thinking about what I do have. I have hypothyroidism. Which is not one of the bounty of blessings in my life, more my poor attempt at humour. I do have a rubbish thyroid, I’m not lying. But it’s not really what I was thinking of when I said I’d look at what I do have. But here goes anyway.

I have a mother who loves me, a sister who will protect and defend me until her dying breath, a brother-in-law who I know cares about me and I have a cat named Jackie Collins, who looks like Batman. All in all, not too bad so far. Certainly doing better than some unfortunate people. I also have a three-bedroom parquetry-floored apartment in Elwood, fifteen minutes walk from the beach, on the middle floor of a 9-apartment block, with cafes and shops a stroll from me in any direction except one. In that one direction is a pub. So, not too far from the mark.

I have a car that got me away to the country for Lex’s Birthday Long Weekend and it was great. I got to spend some much-needed time with myself, which I really did enjoy. I like solitude. I like being alone. I like not having to talk to people or go places I don’t want to just because the people I’m with have an interest. I like my time to be my own where I can just sit and be and not have to worry about being called lazy, or boring or being a disappointment to those around me.

I also have enough disposable income that I can afford to take myself away for a long weekend. And go ‘antiquing’ and buy a couple of things. Okay, so my version of antiquing was really to go to a giant ‘antique’ market, which was more like a giant thrift store, and buy things I don’t really need simply because I have a problem with not buying stuff. I don’t have to need the stuff, I just have to spend money. It’s a compulsion, I’m aware of that. I’ve considered seeking professional help but I almost think it’s not worth it. Because where’s the fun in that?! Besides, I picked up, tried on, walked around with AND PUT BACK a pair of imitation Missoni wedges. They were gorgeous! And nobody but me would know that they weren’t really Missoni. But I decided that I saved for and own a pair of real Louboutin heels, I can bloody well save for and own a pair of real Missoni wedges. Once you have the real ones you’re allowed to buy fake. Because whilst nobody else will know the difference, if pressed I can say, “Why yes, I do own a real pair of Louboutin/Missoni/Versace shoes”. And it happens. I have worn my Louboutin shoes outside the house once and was questioned about their authenticity. 

I'll be back soon to continue this and let y'all know a bit more about me... I'm much more complex than just shoes, weekends away, antiquing. It was my birthday! It was an anomaly!